by weird sly kip

gratitude overwhelming gratitude
pain discomfort inconvenience all slip away
trauma lingers
lost opportunity is a strange concept
programmed into me but not real

kindness received in the flesh
kindness received obligatory
so many did so much
so many went thru the motions

i drew a cartoon of a superman
delusions of omnipotence shattered
mine and the doctors around me
illusions gone nose bloodied eyes laughing

frustrated with strength shortness of breath
lost eyesight hearing stamina
insignificance ignorance intransigence
weakness exposed and exploited

frustrated with contradiction
dialysis / transplant
lingering / disease
process / heroics

smiling / screaming

frustrated by how good it is
by how good it was
how good it could be
the miracle of it all
how it will end

frustrated that the day
before dialysis i did not know
before transplant i did not know
but death we have had a conversation

death not now
death not tomorrow
death it is not okay
you are only real until i am not

frustrated with my genetics
frustrated with Bevs genetics
frustrated with Grants genetics
frustrated by genetics to come

frustrated by being a burden being angry
being alone being alive laughing at it all
being laughed at tired of condescension

Frustration in watching
others waste their lives
watching me
being frustrated

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