I consider myself a pre-eminent aficionado or devotee of writing today on the exquisite beauty, taste and texture of the hamburger. Not concerned with the teaching of such mundane matters as recipes, how to do this or that relating to the delicious burger just in the exquisite appreciation of this most sublime of foods.
I can not teach someone to appreciate the burger, though I write on wide-ranging topics, including religious faith, freedom of speech, critical thinking vs critical theory, politics, the media, science, and the development of liberal thought I can only pound the pulpit so to speak and spread the good news of this treat.
I have observed that the average steer at 2 years with a live weight of about 1800 pounds, yeilds about 1000 pounds of beef hanging in a cooler, if it were all ground into hamburger. That 1,000 pounds hanging weight yeilds 700 lbs of ground beef or 2,800 hamburgers of a quarter pound.
Predicting you treat yourself to a hamburger every second day, one young ox, castrated before sexual maturity and raised for beef would keep you fed in grass fed glory for 2,800/182 burgers a year=over 15 years.
Such a small price to pay for such an extended period of pleasure.
The cow is a magical, mysterious thing. It’s tricky to live a life so in tune with nature, just standing in the sun all day chomping and feeding the grass. It must be the best feeling on earth and as a connoisseur of the finer things in life I can taste the joy of this bovine lifestyle free of stress, email, goggle manipulations and political jive.
The pleasure of the burger relies on all kinds of intriguing bits like the lips, teeth, tongue and saliva. It’s an oral extravaganza and different for different people. But the overall sense is that it’s rather nice.
I asked people to describe what exactly an hamburger feels like for them I got a variety of answers – some names have been changed as not everyone wants to publicly talk about biting, chewing and drooling.
Rebecca, 27 ‘To me a hamburger satisfies that scratchy tickling feeling I get in the tummy. The bun, the meat, I like mine with mayo, ketchup and mustard, the bun naked and un-toasted.’
Bill 19 ‘ The flavour for me tends to build from the first bite, a pleasant reminder of burgers past and I chew thru the meat my anticipation grows from moderate to really intense and when I actually come to the last taste that combination of toasted bun dripping with melted cheddar cheese it’s like a powerful rush which slowly subsides as I realize its over. For me its lettuce, cheese, spiced tomato salsa, mustard and occasionally some guacamole.’
Jess, 26 ‘The sensation for me is closest to getting a really great massage, but with a sharper sensation from the hot sauce. I marinate my burger in hot sauce. No take out for me, I do all my own cooking and when I bite into that sandwich with my partner, we both just forget about everything but for a moment, and the physical and mental kind of merge and it’s all good. The heat is like a wave through your whole body that makes you feel high as the hot sauces reaches your belly. I love the warm glow after.
Sebastian 44 Basically if you’re wondering if you have tasted the worlds greatest burger, you definitely didn’t because you could never mistake the feeling of joy, exhilaration, the sense of home and finally total satiation of a hamburger that is a pieces of culinary art. Nothing Better. For me its 100% grass fed beef, bacon, a slice of ham fried, a toasted bun with lettuce, ketchup, always heinz, and mustard always Frenches. I am going to the kitchen right now. Oh and my buns I make myself.’
There is of course Liberal Suppression of all things red meat. Claims of global warming, cow farts, water use and more, but just keep in mind this. Cows have been part of our life for the last….as long as we have been and they as a species are a carbon neutral ruminant on a field of grass. You cannot make such a claim.
~END~
November 2023 after one particularly tasty burger, on a fresh un toasted bun, ketchup, mayo and mustard. With a side of carrots and brocolli.