Rejection Diary

Contemplating another totally awesome kidney adventure is maybe not as much fun the second time around.

Most recent here

January 31 2024 NM CARDIAC PERFUSION (1 DAY) –

Pre-op, intermediate/high risk surgery, Evaluation for Kidney Transplant

Pre-dipyridamole: 63 bpm. BP: 178/97 mmHg.
Post-dipyridamole: 80 bpm. BP: 167/88 mmHg.
Resting: Sinus rhythm, normal ECG
Dipyridamole: No significant ST segment depression, occasional PVCs, no chest pain
TECHNICAL FACTORS: Good quality gated tomographic myocardial perfusion images were acquired in supine position following at rest and following dipyridamole stress using Philips Brightview
Technetium-99m tetrofosmin was administered intravenously at rest 310 MBq and at peak stress 1006 MBq.
Post stress, perfusion is moderately reduced in the basal and mid inferior wall, basal inferolateral wall, with mild improvement rest, suggesting a moderate area of nontransmural scar with mild residual ischemia in the right coronary or circumflex coronary territory.SSS = 6, SRS = 3, 4% LV ischemic, 4% LV scar.

REST: Ejection fraction 51%, LVEDV (ml): 171, LVESV (ml): 83
STRESS: Ejection fraction 60%, LVEDV (ml): 160, LVESV (ml): 64

TID Ratio: 0.9 (Normal <1.2)


  1. Abnormal study. Low risk.
  2. DIPYRIDAMOLE ECG: Negative stress ECG for ischemia by ST segment criteria. No chest pain. No arrhythmia.
  3. MYOCARDIAL PERFUSION: There is a moderate-sized area of nontransmural scar with mild residual ischemia in the right coronary (or circumflex) territory. Low risk (4% LV ischemic, 4% LV scar in (.
  4. LV FUNCTION- REST: The left ventricle is mildly dilated with normal left ventricular ejection fraction. There is hypokinesis of the inferior wall. No change between rest and stress imaging.


Liver: Tiny hepatic cysts. No worrisome focal hepatic lesions.
Gallbladder: The gallbladder is partially contracted.
Bile ducts: No important abnormality of the biliary tree.
Pancreas: No important abnormality.
GASTROINTESTINAL TRACT: No important abnormality.
Adrenals: No important abnormality.
Kidneys / Ureters: Stable bilateral polycystic kidney disease. Right lower quadrant kidney transplant is unremarkable..
Urinary Bladder: No important abnormality.
Reproductive Organs: No important abnormality.
Spleen: No important abnormality.
Lymph Nodes: No lymphadenopathy.
VESSELS & OTHER: Mild atherosclerotic changes noted in the abdominal aorta and its branches. No venous abnormality.
BONES / BODY WALL: No important bony abnormality. No body wall abnormality.
LOWER THORAX (lung bases, heart): No important abnormality.

January 31 2014 Dr G Psychiatrist As the prospect of another kidney transplant grows in my awareness I am overwhelmed by the utter fucking drag of it all. After talking it through with Dr G”

1: Giving up is not in my nature
2: Fuck it, no retreat, no surrender, do not back down.
3: I will not have a choice eventually, if an opportunity to survive comes along I should grab on Thank you Mr Wolf.
4: I am grateful for the 7 years given to me so far, any more is a bonus.
5: I have allot to live for.

Bloody nose and burning eyes
Raised in laughter to the skies
I’ve been in trouble but I’m okay
Been through the wringer but I’m okay
Walls are falling and I’m okay
Under the mercy and I’m okay

Gonna tell my old lady
Gonna tell my little girl
There isn’t anything in the world
That can lock up my love again

Bruce Cockburn Fascist Architecture

January 1 2024: New year lots of tests lined up in preparation for transplantation. Find myself easily confused. Uraemic Poisoning

December 2023: Clinic Visit, GFR is now 22, A GFR of over 90 is normal. Having a GFR of 60 or above is okay, after my transplant my GFR was never better than 48.

November 2023 Dr FH agrees that to start qualification for new transplant. Best Case scenario…
~3 months of tests
~Trauma of 6 hours surgery
~Week of hospital care
~3 months of disability from surgery 20% activity
~Reaction to new round of drugs
~3 months of 50% activity
~After a year back to “normal”, then maybe make it to the predicted 76 of the Hong Kong Prophecy

October 2023: Dr K tells me I will need dialysis before a transplant due to EBV. My EBV fluctuates with exposure to sun, being higher in summer (~10,000) and lower in winter (~2000). Dr FH says my EBV level is not a concern. Different doctors different opinions. Stresses importance of Foxia.

July 2023: Nurse practitioner for clinic visit, she is not very thorough and cannot answer my questions, does not take BP, cursory review of meds, oblivious to my reaction of Foxia, no alternatives offered, tells me I cannot get a transplant until EBV under control, contradicting Dr FH

June 2023: Donor volunteer steps forward. No names, I had 5 people step forward the first time and everyone either was rejected by doctors or backed out. You find out how alone you are when you need a kidney.

Feb 2023: Clinic visit, a bit frustrated told by one doctor I cannot have a transplant with EVV and another telling me I can. Like a gang that cannot shoot strait. A few bright lights, a few going through the motions. process weak, documention control weak. department weak.

October 2022 Somewhat depressed every now and again.

Depression is nature’s way of telling you that you’ve got complex problems that need solving. Depressive rumination should focus on solving the problems that trigger depression. the challenge is to dismantle the barriers to honest reflection.

Drawn From Paul W. Andrews, “Depression’s Evolutionary Roots” Scientific American, (August 25, 2009).

July 2022 Lovely hot summer at farm, slight haze from fires in north. Wondering how many more of these moments I will have, the warm breeze, green lush vegetation, building projects in the garden, relaxing with a cool glass of water in the shade of the back deck. Saw a cougar yesterday, I think he was stalking me in the garden today, caught a second glimpse of him before he disappeared into the forest.

March 2022: Dr FH when pressed tells me I have a 50% chance of having a working kidney in 2 years.